I’m a Jewish Mother

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Art by Dena Ackerman

*penned by this Jewish mother*

I’m a Jewish mother

     Worrying is what I do

Put on another sweater

     And shall I tie your shoe?

Oy!

    And vey!

You’re becoming an old maid

     Where is your prayed-for spouse?

You’re already almost eighteen

     And still living in my house 

Yet I cannot think of a boy

     Deserving of my princess

Now go clean your room already

      I’ve never seen a scarier mess

Oy!

    And vey!

They are fifteen minutes late

     And traveling at night

My heart is palpitating

     Another Jewish mother fright 

Then they finally arrive

      And don’t finish the food on their plates

How do these kids survive?

       Who knows what danger awaits?

Oy!

    And vey!

My blood pressure is soaring 

      As I watch them dive into the pool

When I was even older than they are 

       No diving was the steadfast rule

I cut their steak into bite-sized pieces

     I expect you would do the same

If you are a Jewish mother

     We have the very same last name

 Oy!

    And vey!

Never mind that you’re forty

      An accomplished CPA

I worried about you back then

     And I worry about you today

Why don’t you ever call?

      Or at the very least send a quick text

You know how I can get

      Nervous about what happens next 

What’s that you say about my taking a Xanax?!

      This worrying is all for you!

And I hope you truly appreciate it

      That’s the very least you can do.

Oy!

    And vey!

(It’s about time to say:

    With help from The One Above, everything will be ok.)

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